


I Must Be Lonely (It’s 3 AM)

by intotheblue



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Hartwin, Light Angst, M/M, Post-TGC, late night phone call, mentions of Eggsy/Tilde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intotheblue/pseuds/intotheblue
Summary: He’d meant it, though. He’s going to lose Tilde no matter what. He only hopes this doesn’t mean he’ll lose Harry, too.  He isn’t sure he’d survive that a second time.





	I Must Be Lonely (It’s 3 AM)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Matchbox 20 song

“Harry,” Eggsy chokes out, voice barely above a whisper. His face is bathed in the harsh red light of the hotel alarm clock. He stares at the numbers, watching their slow trek towards dawn.

“Eggsy.” Harry’s voice is sleep rough and confused, and Eggsy briefly feels bad for waking him. “What’s wrong?”

He appreciates that Harry doesn’t ask if he’s okay, doesn’t beat around the bush pretending like anyone who calls past 3 in the morning might just be up for a casual chat. For a moment, he doesn’t speak. But then-

“I made a mistake, Harry.”

“What’s happened?” Eggsy hears shuffling in the background as Harry fumbles for something. “You’re still in Santorini? I can be there in 3 hours.”

“You don’t...” Eggsy sighs and scrubs a hand across his face. “You don’t have to come here, Haz. I just... I need you to talk some sense into me.”

“Ah,” Harry replies shortly. 

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy says suddenly. “I shouldn’t have called. Go back to sleep.” He means to hang up, he really does. Somehow, though, he stays perfectly still, phone pressed so hard against his ear that he can hear Harry’s soft breathing on the other end of the line. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, Eggsy,” Harry says, sounding almost resigned. 

“I shouldn’t have married her,” Eggsy whispers, hating himself more intensely with each word.

“You don’t mean that,” Harry says, quiet and sober. 

“I don’t wanna mean it,” Eggsy replies. He pauses for a beat. “I do, though.”

The statement echoes the vows he made just hours earlier with such beautiful irony. 

“Then why did you?” Harry asks. It’s not judgmental, or even particularly curious. It’s just... flat. Eggsy tries not to read anything into that. 

“I got caught up in the happily ever after,” he answers honestly. “It’s what you do, ain’t it? Save the world, get the girl.” Eggsy’s lips twist sadly.

“I never did,” Harry says carefully. 

“And I’m starting to think you had the right of it.”

“Eggsy,” Harry sighs, and he sounds more tired than Eggsy’s ever heard him. “Do you love her?”

“Yeah,” he replies hoarsely. “But it ain’t enough.”

“Would it ever be?” 

“Not with her,” Eggsy answers. “She... I needed her, Harry, because-“ he cuts himself off, unwilling to finish the thought. 

Harry says nothing, only waits for Eggsy to continue. The silence stretches on for several minutes until finally, so quiet that anyone listening less intently than Harry would’ve missed it, Eggsy speaks.

“Because I didn’t have you.”

“Eggsy,” Harry says, voice full of pain and regret. 

It’s like a dam breaking.

“You was dead, and no one understood. She was the only thing that kept me afloat for so fucking long, because everywhere she wasn’t I saw you. And then you was back, and I was so fucking happy, and I had both of you, but she- I love her, Harry but... not like I love you. I don’t think I could ever love someone the way I love you.”

Harry is silent, for several beats too long, and Eggsy speaks again. 

“You don’t have to feel the same way, Haz, I know you don’t. But I can’t do this to her. I shouldn’t’a let it go this far, and I can’t let it go farther. She deserves a lot better than me.”

“Eggsy,” Harry starts, but is interrupted before he can finish.

“I’m sorry, Harry. Go back to sleep.” Before he can think twice about it, Eggsy hangs up the phone pulls the battery out. 

 

Fuck, he doesn’t know what he’d been thinking. He shouldn’t have told Harry any of that. Shouldn’t have called at 3 in the fucking morning. 

He’d meant it, though. He’s going to lose Tilde no matter what. He only hopes this doesn’t mean he’ll lose Harry, too. He isn’t sure he’d survive that a second time. 

Eggsy looks over at Tilde, miraculously still asleep. Her hair is swept gracefully across the pillow, and her brow is un-creased. She’s beautiful, Eggsy thinks, not for the first time. She deserves better. It’s not the first time he’s had that thought, either. 

Suddenly, he can’t wait another moment. Eggsy presses his hand against her jaw and sweeps a gentle thumb along her cheek bone. He whispers her name, and watches as her eyes flutter open in response. 

“Eggsy? Is everything okay?” Her accent is heavier than usual, weighted with sleep. 

“No,” he says softly, sadly. 

Her lips twist in confusion and her brow furrows. 

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy says quietly. “I can’t do this.”

 

It’s 4:30 by the time they’re done. He’s given his ring back to her, a royal heirloom, and re-packed the few things he’d pulled out. He doesn’t bother getting another room; he doubts he could sleep anyway. Instead, he leaves his bag with the front desk and wanders down to the beach. 

He means to walk, but instead finds himself sitting on the still-warm sand. He kicks his shoes off, draws his knees in close to his chest and buries his toes.

Eggsy stares at the dark waves crashing rhythmically against the beach for what feels like forever. He tries not the think. Eventually, the stars begin to give way to dawn, a cool glow growing slowly on the horizon. 

Vaguely, he becomes aware of someone walking towards him. He wonders if he oughtn’t be more concerned, but he doesn’t feel threatened. Whoever it is, they aren’t trying to hide their presence. He doesn’t bother tearing his gaze from the sea. 

The person settles in the sand beside him, close enough to touch, but not doing so. That’s enough to get him to look, but he does so slowly, sweeping his eyes across the sky before finally landing on the man beside him. 

Harry. 

His single eye meets Eggsys’ intently. “Did you mean it?” He asks, so quietly that Eggsy’s almost convinced it was a trick of the wind. 

“Yes,” he breathes, leaning forward ever so slightly, not daring to hope for anything more than what’s in front of him right now. 

“My dear boy,” Harry says. He rests a shaking hand against Eggsy’s neck and rubs his thumb through the stubble on his jawline. “My beautiful, miraculous Eggsy.” Harry leans forward until his lips are just a hair’s breadth away from Eggsy’s. “How could you ever think I wouldn’t feel the same for you?”

Brown eye meets blue for only a moment longer before fluttering shut, giving way to a gentle press of lips.

“Harry,” Eggsy breathes against his lips, spoken like a benediction. His fingers bury themselves in the older man’s hair as he dives deeper into the kiss. 

For several minutes, Eggsy allows himself to be lost in the warmth of Harry’s hand on his neck and tongue in his mouth. 

Eventually, forced by the need for oxygen, Eggsy breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Harry’s. 

Around them, the world has exploded into brilliant hues of pink and gold. The only color Eggsy cares about, however, is warm whisky brown, shimmering in the early morning light. 

“Do you mean it?” Eggsy asks, echoing Harry’s earlier question.

“More than you could possibly know,” Harry replies. 

Eggsy tugs playfully at the curls that have begun to form in the humid island air. “Coulda said something before I went and married a princess,” he says, smiling softly. 

“Eggsy,” Harry says seriously, drawing back ever so slightly, “Your happiness... I find that it’s all that matters to me anymore. How could I ever deny you an ounce of it?”

“You make me happy,” Eggsy says, without a hint of irony. 

“Come home, Eggsy. We’ll sort this together.”

“Yes, Harry.”

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of the tumblr boycott, I present to you: content! If we’re all still there at the end of this mess, you can find me at LeighUnwin.tumblr.com (previously PomegranatePusher). Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
